Finding it hard to move past a hurtful mistake? With these steps
toward repair and renewal, you can do and feel better.
Need to know
After several months of therapy, Joe shared that he carried a burden he was hesitant to talk about. With some encouragement, he admitted that he had been treating his four-year-old daughter terribly.
He described how typical events such as trying to get his daughter ready for daycare had triggered his anger, leading him to handle her roughly – like grabbing her arm or yelling at her. Joe shared other behaviours that he was ashamed of, such as losing his cool and just walking away while she was crying in the bathtub. Although he was often a supportive and loving father, Joe (whose name, along with some other details, have been altered here for anonymity) knew that these actions had hurt his daughter and his family. He wasn’t sure if – or how – he could forgive himself.
After several months of therapy, Joe shared that he carried a burden he was hesitant to talk about. With some encouragement, he admitted that he had been treating his four-year-old daughter terribly.
He described how typical events such as trying to get his daughter ready for daycare had triggered his anger, leading him to handle her roughly – like grabbing her arm or yelling at her. Joe shared other behaviours that he was ashamed of, such as losing his cool and just walking away while she was crying in the bathtub. Although he was often a supportive and loving father, Joe (whose name, along with some other details, have been altered here for anonymity) knew that these actions had hurt his daughter and his family. He wasn’t sure if – or how – he could forgive himself.
Most of us can look back on our experiences and recall, often with
great regret, times when we hurt others or did something that violated
our values. Many people find it hard to forgive themselves for one or
more of these instances, carrying around a considerable burden of guilt.
In our clinical work and research on self-forgiveness, we have spoken with
individuals who’ve struggled with a broad range of offences: marital
infidelity, patterns of angry outbursts, physically and verbally fighting
with teenage children, manipulating and stealing from others as a result
of drug and alcohol dependencies, abandoning family or friends when they
were in need, and more.
Grappling with what you’ve done wrong prior to forgiving yourself
can be a good thing – feelings of guilt can motivate you to make amends
and change any entrenched behaviours. However, sometimes self-forgiveness
seems painfully out of reach. If this is the case for you, you might be
having thoughts like ‘I don’t deserve to forgive myself,’ or ‘I deserve
to be punished.’ Or, you may find it hard to forgive yourself for other
reasons: because you just can’t gather the courage to face what you have
done, for example, or because you want to prove to the other person just
how sorry you are.
Source:Click the link below to read more:
https://psyche.co/guides/
how-to-forgive-yourself-and-move-past-a-hurtful-mistake?utm_source=pocket-
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